How to control your anger

Lack of control over emotions, is usually due to unresolved feelings or situations of an individuals past. The good thing about this is that, you can learn to mend unresolved feelings, regaining control. The bad news is that, it's probably not going to be easy, and the out of control emotions won't stop, until the negative energy is stopped at the source.

I had this problem of controlling my emotions during my teen years, i was a pretty angry child. My anger used to scare me. My anger was not your average anger, it was deep seeded rage, my body would tremble with it. It would scare me because i didn't understand it. I was very highly strung, the smallest things would set me off, and i honestly couldn't understand why i would get so angry, where it was coming from. Until it dawned on me, that everything comes from SOMEWHERE...So i thought on it...Coming to the conclusion that i was angry with dad, for having him in my life regularly at times during my child-hood, and then other times, suddenly being ripped away. I was angry at dad for what he did to mum. I was angry with mum, for not being for of a stable person, for lying to me about going 'camping', when we we're actually running away from dad.

Although i still carry a certain amount of grief associated with certain situations of my past, those things can't hurt me or anymore. Or anyone else for that matter, since i'm not going to spit the dummy if you don't use a coaster these days. Funnily enough, today i'm a very docile person, it takes a hell of a lot to upset me now.

So if you don't know where your anger comes from, think about what has happened in your life that you've never forgiven and forgotten. It's essential for people to learn to forgive and forget, because everyone deserves a second chance, and your life will be more successfull if you look ahead, not back.

Once you have identified the source of your whack emotions, you need to learn to let that go. This might seem impossible at first, because generally when a person has hateful feeling towards another, there is a damn good reason for it. But it makes no logical sense to hold grudges, because it only causes YOU to continue suffering from your negative feelings again and again.

If you have negative feelings in your heart that you still hold towards someone about something that happened a long time ago, those negative emotions are burning energy you don't have. If something about your past makes you an angry person, your concentrating your energy on the past, the past is something that no longer exists, hence, dead energy. If you burn all your mental energy getting angry, then you will be a lot less likely to focus energy on the future, hence success slows to snail speed.

You must learn to control your emotions for the sake of others also. It's not fair that your loved ones should have to cop rage from you that they don't deserve, and if you let your emotions get away on you often, you may just end up pushing people away whom care about you and a trying to help you. Sometimes we say things we don't mean when we're angry, try not to do that as much as you can possibly help it. If you get angry easily, about small things with people, when this happens, walk away and calm down before you speak.

With the logic in mind that holding a grudge, hurts you more than anyone, you can begin resolving with yourself. Begin with reflecting on the actions of the person whom upset you, then ask yourself why they did what they did. Try to see the situation from the other persons perspective, and determine in their eyes, why they would have done what they did to hurt you...Was the person trying to protect you, help you, telling you something you something didn't want to hear, do what's 'best' for you and you didn't agree, do something that went against your will or something you have told the person, Or is the person just plain nasty?

Either way, when you figure out why, work on forgiveness. You don't need to hear or say a sorry, word's are cheap, the feelings in our hearts are not. Forgiveness isn't accepting an apology, it's a clearing of air/resolution of negative emotion in order to regain harmony. You can always forgive, don't ever say you can't, life isn't worth going through being angry the whole time! When you are struggling to forgive because to you, the reasoning doesn't seem feasible, you must learn to forgive on the basis of the individual in question not knowing any better. What you can derive from that is, you do know better, if you didn't you wouldn't have been able to point out the problem that an individual caused to anger you in the beginning. Therefore you can forgive, if only out of pity.

This method of resolution is purely psychological, but equally, if not more effective as a verbal 'sorry.'..'I accept your appology'. Not everyone will be capable of learning to forgive, and handing out forgiveness freely, as the practise of this method is alike a state of meditation. Meditation obviously isn't for everyone, some people don't have the concentration for it. If your one of those people, try to learn how to concentrate. If you are a high-tense person with emotional issues, whom finds it very difficult to ever be calm, i advice that you focus on learning to concentrate before attempting to forgive. Remember, you gotta walk before you can run.

You will find that as you forgive past conflict in your heart, you will tend to forgive quicker in future, rather than dragging out a pointless argument. To forgive freely will cause your erratic emotions to slowly fizzle out and eventually die, resulting in better mental stability and happiness within yourself.

So learning to let go of negative emotions involves quite some mental ability, but once you get into the habit of it, it will be easy. If you cannot seem to grasp forgiveness, remaining an emotionally unbalanced person, i recommend that you speak to a counselor/therapist.

Let go of negative emotions to have more energy to spare to enjoy today, and work towards a better future.